Living on the Outside

Hey everyone. I hope this week, whether good or bad, has brought joy to you in some way or another.
As I write this post in the comfort of my new apartment (FINALLY), some of the changes that I had made in my life recently has started to sink in. Most of these changes are for the better: being in a new place, starting fresh with a new company and moreover planning for the next steps up ahead.
What I did not realize however, is that some of these changes have made me feel a certain way that I was not expecting. At times, I am actually trying to see things from the outside.

Picture this. You are sitting in a busy intersection, waiting for the light to turn green. Seeing as it just turned red, you anticipate a longer wait until you are able to proceed. During that time, all of the people in the crosswalk start to walk across the road, safely to the other side. Some of these people are friends, strangers, employees, etc. You might see someone whom you have known before, perhaps they are people you knew in a previous chapter in life. They walk as they converse, take photos, laugh, wave at passerby's who might in fact be acquaintances. But who are you to know, you are the one sitting in the car, watching the pedestrians take in life as they know it, seemingly in a connected and balanced universe. 
And you're stuck inside that car. Trapped, essentially. Sure, you could get out, greet the people in the crosswalk and join the conversation. But they might be on a different topic. Then the light will turn green, and then the cars behind you will start going. They might try to drive around to avoid the parked car (you better have put those flashers on!) but some people will just go right through. You might look away from the traffic back to the people you were trying to approach. And suddenly, the worst-case scenario hits you smack in the face.
They continue to walk as if you do not exist. 
For me, I had started feeling like that driver about a week ago. I moved into this lovely apartment, with my best friend, a little bit further from where I work, and the weather is the same each day: mostly sunny with some afternoon showers. It's hard to beat. The issue that comes into play is that although life is happening for me down in Florida, but all around me I feel as though I am viewing the successes, reunions, milestones of others from a microscope. 
Is it that I am a little lonesome?

While everything around me is moving at a fast pace, I try to capture a moment of clarity, just for one second. To see what friends are up to from back home, and here in the Sunshine State. But I feel as if there is some sort of barrier between me and the outside world. Why, when I am working tons, starting to take care of my physical health as well as my professional portfolio, am I starting to feel as if I'm the only one in my personal bubble? I mean, people might not always be available to be there in person with you, especially the ones who are back home, still in school or working an amazing full-time job. But how can I be so distant from what I used to know, and what I currently am trying to attain?
Is it because I live far away from coworkers, other awesome people in the Disney College Program, or just far away from my job in general? Am I getting homesick? Do I really know how to live this independent adult life almost entirely on my own? 
Is this not the hardest thing I have ever done in my life?

Quite frankly, many of these questions are questions that I don't know the answer to now. Maybe I will never know all of the answers. In this moment, I think of the people who truly care about me, and wish me well. Not the people who merely like who or what I portray on social media. Not the people who say one thing and do another. Not the deceivers. 
I'm talking about the people who are there at your lowest, when all you've got is a whirlwind of emotions and a human in front of you with their ears open and their arms already around you. The people that will not judge you despite anything going on.
To be honest, I haven't found a whole lot of that here just yet. I've only been here a month so I think time will help me shape my perspective on everything. All I know is that things are going to be tough, with work, loans, bills and the constant effort to better myself as a whole. Someday I'll stop being an outsider and become more actively involved in the life I have chosen here in Florida. Things will get better for sure, with time. 
Someday I'll find my way. Even if that means sitting in that intersection until it's my turn to shine.